I have recently found myself ashamed of change.

Ashamed of how many versions of myself I have presented to the world. Ashamed of how many belief systems and ideological systems I have embodied. Ashamed of every time my body transforms. Ashamed that my day-to-day life looks vastly different from what it used to.  Ashamed of how my friendships and relationships have evolved from how they once were. Ashamed of all the changes that I will embody, experience, feel, and present in the future. 

But why am I so ashamed and simultaneously afraid of change when it is actually the marker of humanity, of life, of growth?

Dr. Hillary McBride states,

“We are wired to change, develop, and grow. And that is actually an expression of our flourishing…it isn’t a dangerous thing, but a mark of health.”

In other words, change is not our shame. It is not dangerous nor an indication that we have gone down the wrong path; rather, change is an inevitable and normal human experience. Change is how we flourish as an individual. It is healthy for us to change. In fact, it is courageous. As Elizabeth Zott in Lessons in Chemistry says, “Courage is the root of change- and change is what we’re chemically designed to do.”

Perhaps you, too, have felt the weight or shame of change. Maybe you have felt embarrassed about how different your life looks compared to the past, worried you’re as successful as you once were. Or maybe you have felt fear of change, worried as to what is in store and whether you will be able to handle the course of life you find yourself on. Perhaps you have a lot of pride in how much your life has changed, and have forgotten that it will inevitably change again. 

Let yourself lean into change with peace, knowing that change is change—not necessarily good, not necessarily bad, and definitely not indefinite. It is not a reflection on your inherent worth but rather just an indication of your humanness—like the rest of us. And thank goodness for that.

Love,

Zoë Alexandra